Working for Torchwood
by Jessie Blackwood
Summary: Jack shows Ianto part of the Hub he hasn't seen before and Ianto decides to spruce it up. This is just a little bit of fun with the boys, a fluffy one-shot, rated T for safety.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, etc. etc. etc. no infringement of copyright intended, etc, etc. just playing with them, like everyone else here.**

_**The Bath…**_

"Working for Torchwood is a Damoclean Sword. It is an exciting, adrenaline-fuelled, roller-coaster ride of events, throwing you bodily into combat or confusion, equally able to spiral you to the crazy heights of triumph or plunge you to the hopeless depths of despair. It is an occupation of extremes, requiring both mental and physical agility (not to mention copious amounts of both stamina and resilience) above and beyond the norm. It takes pleasure in knocking the stuffing out of you one moment and boosting your ego the next. You never know from one day to the next what you'll be doing or where you'll be doing it. You don't know who you'll meet or who you'll be working with, who will die or who will join. Its an exercise in adaptability and variety second to non.

The people who qualify to join the elite ranks of the Torchwood Institute (to give it its real title) often have no clue what's in store for them, despite qualities that make them eminently capable for the role. They possess a sharp intellect, an immense creativity, lightning wit or a devious will. They show traits some would give their eye teeth for as well as others that you wouldn't wish to touch with somebody else's barge pole, never mind your own. They display ruthlessness and compassion in equal measure, they are decisive, attentive to detail and accurate in their recording…."

"Bollocks!" Owen said, displaying his usual bluntness.

"Its not Bollocks, Owen" Jack defended "It's the 1950s, that was how people wrote stuff then. It was all a bit 'Dan Dare'."

" 'People' being 'you' you mean?" Ianto suggested, looking over Jack's shoulder at the box of old paperwork he had dragged up from the archival depths.

"What? You're not telling me that this piece of elaborate bullshit is from the pen of our own Jack Harkness?"

Ianto nodded "Credits him just inside the front cover actually." he said, noting that Jack was frowning his usual defensive frown. To Ianto that didn't necessarily mean anything good, especially if he was angling to stay overnight.

"Bloody Hell, the Barbara Cartland of Torchwood" Owen was crowing.

"I think you'll find he was a little more creative than that" Ianto said dryly, coming to the defence. "This is an orientation booklet." he said "Why don't we have anything like this now?"

"Because I'm your orientation booklet." Jack said "Not enough of you to need one each."

"Because we can share you?" Ianto grinned at how it sounded "Like kids with not enough books at school, do we have to share you between us?"

"Well, I did offer…" he grinned.

"Not to me you didn't and you bloody well know what my reply would have been!" Owen said and scooted off. Jack and Ianto shared a laugh at his precipitous departure.

"So, what else did you find?" Ianto asked and Jack shrugged.

"Nothing much. So much of this is rubbish now."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Ianto said, picking up a Mickey Mouse badge "you might be able to flog it on ebay."

"That was Bunty's" he said thoughtfully, his fingers caressing it carefully "Bunty Summerfield. One of your predecessors actually, one of the archivists. She went to Los Angeles one summer. Thought it was brilliant, came back telling us all these tales. She was dead by the following winter, killed by an explosion. An alien devise went bonkers and blew itself up in the car she was driving. She was bringing it back to the Hub, heard this whining and decided to hold off coming in. Five minutes later, it went up. If it wasn't for her, the Hub would have gone up."

"Can you remember everything like that?"

He sighed heavily "Never forget. Memory is infinite it seems."

"Might have to call you Nelly then."

"Nelly?"

"Nelly the elephant? Elephants never forget?"

"You are sick, Ianto, sick" Jack said, but there was a smile on his lips.

"So where did you find this stuff anyway?"

"Down the next level, further down than the showers. There's an old bathroom, its packed with stuff."

"Not a secret you've ever let me in on. I thought I was supposed to archive everything?"

"Come and see then."

There was indeed an old bathroom, tiled white with a blue line running at dado rail height all round the room. Three large enamel baths, each one supported on four cast iron ball and claw feet, sat along one wall, brass fittings tarnished a little, limescale crusted on the spouts. On the opposite wall were sinks, with mirrors above. The lamps were electric, wide, dish-shaped metal shades painted an unappetising grey. Optimistic spiders webs hung in drapes across the corners of the room and from the lamp shades. Boxes lined the walls, some with adverts for product brands that hadn't been in circulation for decades.

"Maybe we should have a museum, you know, Torchwood in history…" Ianto grinned.

"Not much of a target audience though" Jack said "Visit Cardiff and see the secret museum! If you can find it, you can visit."

"I think this place needs clearing out" Ianto said speculatively.

"Well, if you can organise this any better, feel free."

It took him a month of organising, filing, throwing out the rubbish and cleaning but he got there eventually. Ianto stood back from the room and gazed at it with a critical eye. The tiles were clean, washed and re-grouted. The baths were amazingly undamaged, polished and cleaned of lime scale, as were the taps. The sinks were similarly dealt with. Ianto had even had a plumber in (even though he had needed to retcon him later) to overhaul the system. There was a new boiler, the water pressure was adjusted, some pipes replaced but largely, it hadn't been a massive job. The lamps had been replaced though, the electrics rewired (Ianto had managed to get a UNIT electrician in for that one though) and a new chrome 'ladder' style towel rail fitted. Finally, he had added a bench seat and shelving, a stock of nice large fluffy towels and another surprise he decided to reveal to Jack before showing anyone else.

"Sir"

"Ianto? What's the problem?"

"How are you feeling tonight?"

Jack glanced at him "Why? You looking for fun?"

"Maybe…So, how are you?"

"Tired, aching and I worked up a sweat chasing that damned weevil, why? I was thinking of going for a shower." Jack smirked "You figure on joining me?"

"I have a better idea Sir, if you'd care to follow me?"

Curious, Jack got up and followed. The others were gathering their belongings and heading home and Ianto waited with a cheery 'goodbye' and 'see you tomorrow' before walking off as fast as the cog door rolled shut.

Jack followed him down to the lower level beyond the showers, realising he was heading for the old bathroom.

"Ianto, what gives? Where we going?"

"Here, Sir." He switched on the lights and stood back as the air conditioning throbbed gently into life in the background "What do you think? Fancy a massage followed by a long luxurious soak?"

Jack's eyebrows rose, taking in the freshly cleaned baths, the towels, and the massage couch in the centre, Ianto's surprise.

"What the hell…? Are you aiming to open a spa?"

"Don't you like it? I just figured that we need more luxuries in our lives, eases the working environment, you know? Makes the job easier…"

"Like it, I love it. I just…Ianto, you're a marvel. Tried it out yet?"

"No, I was waiting for you to see it. Thought you'd like to try it first."

Jack walked over and turned a tap, watching the hot water gush into the bath. "Would I ever" he said "but you know you'll never get Gwen and Tosh out of here."

"We'll have to make a rota." Ianto grinned and handed Jack a towel. "Well Sir, if you'd care to disrobe and climb on the bed, I'll see what I can do to relax you a little."

The bath was sheer pleasure, relaxing in the steaming water, the bath big enough to accommodate them both. Ianto had brought a bottle of champagne and two glasses and he sipped it as he relaxed back against Jack's chest amid the foam of a very decadent bubble bath. Jack drained his glass and reached for the bottle to pour himself another.

"This beats a shower any day." he murmured against Ianto's ear "Thank you for this."

"Pleasure Sir" Ianto murmured, wallowing in the heat of the water and of Jack's chest behind him.

"We could all of us have a bath party." Jack said, cheekily "I'm sure the girls wouldn't mind sharing and Owen could have one to himself, if there was booze involved…cocktails in the bath!" he laughed.

"You'd have to invent some appropriate ones."

"How about the 'Ianto Jones' ~ vodka, coffee liqueur, cream and…brandy" Jack said "How's that?"

Ianto laughed "The 'Owen Harper' would have to be a bit abrasive with a bitter after taste. Tomato juice, angostura bitters and a shot of whisky?"

"In your face and unashamed" Jack chuckled. "With fight. Say, what would you call a shot of tequila, vodka, blue curacao and rum?"

"A weevil maybe" Ianto said "Sounds disgusting."

"A weevil it is then. We ought to have a cocktail party, you know, dress up, let our hair down."

"Look at you, one bath and you're full of it" Ianto said.

"Full of what?"

"Bullshit" Ianto said grinning "You know, enthusiasm, ideas, mad ideas."

"I'm fun to be with!" Jack defended.

"Oh yes, Sir, of that I'm certain…"

"And Ianto?"

"Yes Sir?"

"So are you…"

**There you go, just a little fun with the lads, a small fluffy feel-good one-shot...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything….no rights, nothing, no infringement intended either..**

**Party time…**

"Not on your life Harkness, no way, not a chance!"

"But Owen, it'll be fun…OK, so its not a hot tub…"

"Bollocks to that, I am not letting you get near me in your underwear. And you…" he glared at Ianto "I don't care about decaff or anything else you threaten me with, I am not…"

"What's the fuss about?" Gwen came round the corner and looked at the three of them, curiosity warring with amusement on her face "They can probably hear you across the other side of the Bay!"

"Its their bloody silly idea, let them tell you!"

"Its no big deal, just a party, you know, fun, drinks, music…"

"OK, so where's the catch, do we need to turn up naked or something?" she caught Owen's look and said "No, not on your life…"

"Gwen, Owen, come with me." Ianto said firmly and lead the way out of autopsy room and downstairs, picking up Tosh along the way "There's something we want to show you." Was all he would say.

* * *

"Oh My God, you had a bathroom fitted…" Gwen said, running an appreciative hand along the side of one of the baths. "It looks Victorian…"

"That's because it is, it was already here, but Ianto got it fixed up. We had the idea of a bath party, that's all, to christen it."

"Jack!" Tosh exclaimed, "No wonder you got Owen worried…"

"Hey, I'll keep my hands to myself." he grabbed Ianto round the waist "I'm a one-man man now anyway…"

"There's only three baths though…" Gwen observed.

"Owen can have one to himself, Ianto and I will share and we thought you and Tosh might…"

"Jack, you are impossible…!"

"Hey, what's with you guys, I'm proposing a party not an orgy."

"How do you have one of those?"

"What, an orgy?" Jack said and Tosh swatted him.

"Same thing as a hot tub I guess, we could keep our bikinis on." Gwen grinned.

"Owen would not suit a bikini." Ianto deadpanned and set everybody laughing, all except Owen.

"Look, it's a bit of harmless fun, cocktails in the bath…we could have a competition, invent your own…" Jack said "and Ianto is very good at massage…"

"I try." Ianto said modestly.

"Its about time you got over your homophobia Owen." Jack said firmly. "I am not going to try anything. Besides, do I repel you that much?"

"No, its just…not my scene…" Owen muttered sourly "and seeing you and him…"

"I am not going to be making love to Ianto in the bath in front of you, I'm not that much of an exhibitionist."

"You are." Ianto insisted and received a glare.

"Am not."

"Are too. You never stop the CCTV! Tosh has to wipe it later."

"Will you two stop it, you're like a couple of schoolboys!" Gwen said, exasperated "Look, as long as you two agree to keep your hands off each other…"

"If that's even possible…" Owen muttered and received another glare from Gwen.

"…then what's the problem?"

"Makes me uncomfortable." He admitted.

"So, tell me something I don't know." Jack replied. "Look, forget it, it was just an idea that's all, just a little R&R, time off, fun, you know? But if you don't trust me to keep my word and lay off you…"

"Well, I'm up for it." Gwen said, surprising them "I love baths and booze and parties…" she grinned "All three is a bonus, what do you say Tosh, care to share a bath and live dangerously?" Gwen grinned "I know, you and Owen share a bath…I'll get Rhys to come and share with him!"

"Gwen!" Tosh was shocked "You're not joking are you?"

"Well, maybe, I don't think Rhys would be up for it really…"

"Why not ask him?" Jack said with a grin "Either way, what about you Tosh?"

"If I can keep my swimming costume on…"

"You guys are no fun!" Jack complained.

* * *

"Ah, that is soooo good." Jack relaxed in the hot water, bubbles rising round his chest.

"What do you call this again?" Tosh raised her small glass, peering at the green liquid inside.

"I call it a 'Dangerous Liason'. Absinthe, with a tiny bit of Chartreuse and green Curacao." Ianto grinned "Savour it. Too much of it _will_ land you in hospital! Owen, relax. I am not trying to jump you, you just aren't my type. I want to help here!" Ianto was trying and failing to get the doctor to relax having offered him a massage. Owen kept jumping and fidgeting, even though everybody was keeping swimming gear on to preserve modesty. Jack had complained but Ianto insisted. However, the skimpy trunks left nothing to the imagination. Ianto kept going, using broad sweeping strokes down Owen's back. Gwen was watching enviously. Ianto actually did know his stuff and it looked very inviting.

"If Owen's had enough, I wouldn't mind." she said, eagerly.

Tosh was relaxing in the third bath, bubbles up to her chin. Jack was drinking something purple he called an 'Intergalactic Barracuda'. Owen gave up on trying to relax Ianto's way and headed for the bath, sinking into the water and the bubbles with a sigh of relief. He fished out a beer (he refused to drink cocktails) out a bucket of ice balanced precariously on the wire rack and took a deep pull, sighing in contentment. "Actually, this isn't too bad. Hot bath, cold beer, friends…" Jack grinned at him.

Gwen tentatively lay down along the massage couch and let Ianto work his magic. He paused, tugging the knot on the back of her bikini top and she nodded "OK, I trust you…" and allowed him to unfasten it to give him unimpeded access to her back. She sighed in contentment as he worked his fingers into the knots in her shoulder muscles, along her neck and down her spine. He was good, very good. She closed her eyes and let it relax her. She heard Tosh giggle and Owen mutter something and Jack's laugh in return. This was perfect, this was what teamwork should be about. Fun and family, trust and treats which made working life that much more bearable. There was enough shit to cope with, this redressed the balance a little.

"Here, Gwen, I made this for you." She opened her eyes to see Jack squatted beside her, holding a glass. The fiery red liquid decorated with cherries and a slice of lime lurked brazenly in the glass, almost daring her to sit up without fastening her bikini top. "What do you call that?"

"It's a Devil in Disguise" he grinned "like you…"

"Naughty, that's what you are." She bottled out and held her bikini top to her boobs as she sat and took the glass from him. "Oooo!" she murmured as she took a sip "That's nice."

"Come on Gwen, the water's great!" Tosh called and Gwen went to join her.

"Ianto, you coming?" Jack invited and the Welshman padded over and stepped into the water. The baths were big enough to accommodate two facing each other and he settled back with a small sigh, then yelped and jumped as Jack's toes found something to stroke under the water. Ianto glared at him.

"You see, I told you that you couldn't keep your hands off him Jack!"

"Got you Harper! I didn't use my hands..." Jack said with a grin.

Ianto settled back again, capturing Jack's foot and beginning to massage it, toes and all. Jack's face was a picture, transported by Ianto's fingers manipulating the sole of his foot.

"OK, OK, competition time." Owen declared "Song lyrics…say a line, the others have to guess the song and the artist…"

"OK. I guess you're going first then?" Jack said "You came up with it? Rules?"

"Absolutely non!" Owen said, then said "NO! on the other hand, one rule, it has to be a song we've a likely chance of knowing, nothing alien OK?"

"oh, oh, I've got one..." Tosh called.

"OK, OK, go on then." Owen said.

"Do we sing it or say it?" Tosh asked.

"Whatever takes your fancy."

Tosh began to sing, sweetly "You are sunlight and I moon, joined here, brightening the sky, with the flame of love"

Owen thought for a moment and then declared "No bloody idea! I said it had to be a song we'd have a chance of knowing..."

"I know it..." Ianto said suddenly "Sun and Moon from Miss Saigon, isn't it?"

"Yes, right!" Tosh clapped delightedly "Well done Ianto!"

"You bloody would know that one!" Owen complained "Tea Boy is into musicals...what a surprise!"

"OK, try this." Jack said, opening his mouth. Owen cringed, then raised his eyebrows. Nobody had heard jack sing before, it was just something he never did at work. Ianto had. He loved Jack's voice, the man was a crooner. Listening to him belting out "I am what I am" in the shower was quite an experience though.

"When friends are hard to find, and life seems so unkind, sometimes you feel afraid.  
Just aim beyond the clouds and rise above the crowds and start your own parade..."

"Oh God, not another one. I'm beginning to regret this..." Owen said "Go on, I have no bloody idea again..."

"Barry Manilow?" Ianto said "I Made It Through The Rain"

"Yeah, well done!" Jack grinned "I'm liking this game."

"So far, Ianto's two up on the rest of us." Gwen said, dryly.

"You do one Owen, see if we can guess it..." Tosh suggested.

"Got a crap voice so I'm not giving anything away, just going to say this, right? 'Get back, bunny, It's getting cold in here little honey, We got a show to put on your dress..."

Tosh frowned and Jack looked puzzled.

"Disco Heaven, Lady Gaga!" Gwen cried, triumphant.

"Well done that woman!" Owen said. "Seriously, never thought you'd get that. OK, what's next?"

"Anyone for naked hided and seek?" Jack asked hopefully.

"You have to be joking!" Owen exclaimed and Tosh giggled.

"How do you play that exactly?" she asked.

"Do you mean apart from the fact that the players have to be naked?" Jack asked with a grin.

"If he finds you he gets to shag you." Ianto said succinctly and Owen spluttered on his beer.

"Well, that last game didn't last long." Gwen complained. "Just because you were losing, Owen?"

"Damn right. No good coming up with a game you then promptly lose, is it?"

"Well, strip poker is out." Ianto said and Jack laughed.

"How about cherades?"

"We could play truth or dare." Tosh said.

"Oh yeah, that's more like it." Jack said with enthusiasm and Ianto rolled his eyes.

"Gwen, truth or dare?" Tosh asked.

"Me? Oh, truth..."

"OK, have you ever stolen anything?"

"Yes..." she giggled.

"Gwen, you have a criminal record?" Jack looked shocked. "That's not on file!"

"No, I stole a chocolate bar from our corner shop when I was six..." she and Tosh giggled. "Nobody ever found out. But I couldn't eat it, I felt so guilty, I threw it away. OK, Ianto, your turn. Truth or dare?" Gwen asked.

His eyes narrowed and he said "Dare."

Her eyebrows rose "You sure?" he nodded, so she said "I dare you to take your swimming trunks off!" and promptly began to giggle again.

"I swear its gone to her head..." he glared at Jack "If I ever find you conspired over this, its decaff, got that?" Jack held his hands up in a placatory gesture. With a wriggle, Ianto pulled them off and held them up, dripping. Gwen's eyes nearly popped. "You never said I had to stand up..." he added, seeing her almost-disappointed look as he struggled to put them back on again. "You never said I couldn't put them on again either." he said "Jack, truth or dare?"

"ooo, that's a hard one."

"That's what you always say..." Ianto ignored Owen's groan.

"Dare."

"I shouldn't let you get away with that, there isn't anything you won't do..."

"Come on, you asked..."

"OK, I dare you to tell us something about yourself we don't know."

"Isn't that a truth?"

"Nope, its a dare...I believe I said 'I dare you...' so its a dare."

Jack thought for a moment and then smiled. "I like biting the heads off jelly babies!" Tosh and Gwen promptly dissolved into a fit of giggles and Ianto shook his head, exasperated. "well, you didn't know that about me, did ya? Didn't know I had murderous intent towards confectionery. OK" Jack looked at Owen "Truth or Dare, Owen?"

"Dare..." he said warily.

"You sure?"

"Yes, hit me with it Harkness. Give it your best shot." Jack grinned and stared at him.

"Right, here's one. Dr Owen Harper, this is your life..." Jack grinned "Owen, I dare you to kiss me..."

Owen's jaw dropped. "Well done." he said "No fucking way!"

"Forfeit then? You're on instant coffee for a month!"

"Ouch Jack, that's just cruel." Tosh said, giggling. Owen looked helplessly at Jack.

"You Bastard..." he muttered, glaring at him. Then he seemed to reach a decision. Abruptly he got out of the bath, walked around to Jack, glanced at Ianto and said "Sorry mate." then grabbed Jack's face in both hands, tipped his head back in the process, then kissed him, hard.

"Bloody hell." Gwen uttered as she and Tosh looked on in horrified glee.

Ianto's eyebrows were up near his hairline. "Owen, never thought you had the balls..."

"Well, I have. But don't you ever..." he pointed a finger at Jack and stabbed the air with it "...ever...ask me to do that again."

Jack grinned "For the record, you're not a bad kisser, but that was more a complement to Ianto than it was to me."

"How do you work that out?" Ianto asked.

"Oh come on." Jack smirked "Owen preferred to kiss me than miss your coffee for a month, I'd say that was high praise indeed."

Owen sank back down into the water and downed another beer, attempting to erase the memory by getting at least partially drunk. The truth or dare game effectively died and they all settled back to enjoy the rest of their bath, chatting happily about inconsequential things, sipping the remains of their cocktails in giggling camaraderie. Jack caught Ianto's eye and grinned. He figured the party had been a resounding success but he had to admit that he doubted heavily that they would ever get Owen to agree to join in again... and if he had anything to do with it, there would be an 'again'.

**So there you go, a little TW R&R...hope you enjoyed.**


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